Shock Spending Spree Horror
Update 14/05/09: Lord Scrutiny confronted outside his home.
The public demands answers today as it is revealed by an anonymous leak that Under Scrutiny, despite the vast salary he is paid by alittlepoison.com, has claimed for the following items on expenses:
- Six duck heads
- An R Kelly fridge magnet
- A hot water bottle in the shape of David Cameron's face
- A Wispa bar from the Bristol Marriott hotel @ £3.56
- One Pay Per View film 'The Lion King'
- One Pay Per View film 'Decoys', an adult film about alien sex workers
- A pair of green socks, thought to be for his lover
- A peak time bus ticket to Alton Towers
- A peak time return ticket to the moon
- A fridge magnet showing under scrutiny on the moon with Elton John @ £111.90
- A six-pack of 'Ambiplex' to feed his cat, Cockula
- A trout
- Polygamy lessons, Islington Tantric Health Centre @ £600
- 156 visits to various tanning salons (throughout 2007/08)
- Stained glass windows installed in attic of second home
- Sky TV 'American Heroes' film and sport package
- Three business suits tailor made from white lace
- 17 x Eurostar tickets (First class, return)
- 12 x vials of croissant digestion aids
- Monogrammed hammer and tongs
- Hair care products @ £620
- Hare care products @ £570
- Care Bear products @ £30
- A 'Best Of' Stephen Fry box set
Rob Haddock from Scrutiny's constituency said 'I find it particularly outrageous seeing as I wrote to him saying I needed to be relocated to the moon because of carbon monoxide poisoning and he didn't even reply.' Ben Hobbs added 'My lover has no socks and I work thirty hours a day to save up for some. He should have to buy everyone a pair of socks out of his own pocket.' Yet Maeve Binchy was more sympathetic: 'These look like necessities to me, I think he is doing a wonderful job'.
What is your view on Under Scrutiny's spending spree? Do you know of anything else he has recklessly bought with public funds?
Under Scrutiny used to be my hero! Now he’s nothing but a big greedy baby.
under scrutiny’s office cannot, at this time, comment on the content of these expenses claims. However, under scrutiny wishes to make clear that at no point was he knowingly party to abuses of alittlepoison.com funds.
Under Scrutiny works tirelessly on behalf of his constituents and his expenses are not at all unreasonable.
Surely we cannot expect his fridge to go unadorned when he holds weekly tea’n'talk sessions with concerned constituents in his own kitchen.
Naturally he must always look his best. What kind of ammunition would it give his opponents if he turned up to debates looking pallid and shabbily dressed? The healthy glow of a fresh tan and the cool confidence suggested by a sharply tailored suit are the foundations of any vigourous political discourse.
If his selfless campaigning for Lunar immigrants rights requires a visit to the moon, then who are the petty pecuniarily preoccupied pontificaters to protest? What matter if Sir Elton John happened to also be on the Moon giving a charity performance in aid of M.P.I.V Awareness and humbly requested a photograph with the political leviathan and humanitarian colossus he repsects so deeply?
Would you have his faithful feline go hungry? His keen imagination starved of filmic inspiration? His partner, (lover is a sneaky half-pejorative entered by the shameless Doon to suggest sleaze), deprived of ankular warmth and comfort? (yes ankular is a valid adjective, goddamit!) Of course not. And duck heads are chicken feed! (not literally of course, that would be avian atrocity).
This leak on expenses is a cynical and opportunistic attempt to distract voters from the real issues at stake with a bit of cheap, misleading sleaze.
Under Scrutiny please send one signed cheque, the amount payable left blank, care of my accountants. You can put it on your expenses under domestic maintenance or something.
A new leak has revealed that Scrutiny spent a small fortune (
That’s aftershave isn’t it? I thought it was the aftershave Prince wore for the When Doves Cry video.
The wheel of shame grinds on. How can I be expected to work with role models like this?