Matt Boothman
I'm currently appearing in Macbeth which has (admittedly) received mixed reviews. One reviewer on the internet - a journalist named Matt Boothman - was particularly unkind about me. This song is my emotional response to his review.
Warning: this song contains strong language.
By The Glass Band (@myspace) featuring Arran Glass on guitar and vocals, Phil Cornwell on double bass and Kit Massey on harpsichord.
15/06/09 update: Matt Boothman has replied below with a music response
Download Matt Boothman mp3
It’s so catchy!
It certainly is… glad you’ve turned a negative review into such a joyous song. If I were this Matt Boothman I’d be feeling rather honoured.
this is great! i particularly like the synthesised harpsichord (if that’s what it is). if i ever meet matt boothman i will prance about puckishly ,singing “falalalalalala you’re a cunt!” i hope he hears this. have you sent him a copy?
I love this song!!! It just goes to show that what goes around, comes around. I feel Matt Boothman may choose his words more wisely in the future, don’t you?! Treat others how you would like to be treated Boothman, did your mother not teach you that when you were at school…evidently not! Well done Arran for getting your own back in a joyous way and proving you CAN sing. x x x
If life were more like a film, you and Matt Boothman would have to reluctantly travel together somewhere (ideally by car, across America) before finally having to both defeat a common threat only pregnable to both your singing and his reviewing skills.
I think you have a very nice voice and obviously a good command of the English language!
I think since writing this song I’ve fallen a bit in love with Matt Boothman. I get a bit teary-eyed when I talk about him. Lets just hope if I ever do get to meet him he turns out to be a massive massive cunt
hearing this made all the slightly naughty pores in my body ooze with pleasure ! cumuppance time, shabby boothman, haha !
That’s the funniest thing i’ve heard, it is CLASS. Good on ya he bloody well deserves it. Nice one!!
oh this is brilliant! let’s get it to Number One, falalalala
Aaaaaaahaaaaa!!! This is the funniest thing since sliced bread!!! Erm… yeh… anyway bloody funny!!!
I can only assume that Matt Boothman is the type of guy that gets up every morning at precisely six fifteen to firstly cleanse the soul by flogging himself in the back yard with a branch from a birch tree, then make his way to the kitchen table for a bowl all bran and with his lap top to google himself. I can see him now sitting on his hard wooden chair, mouth agape with a lap full of all bran. Hell hath no furry as Arran Glass. Good work.
legendary! Couldn’t stop laughing all the way, brilliant!. Although you are my little brother, I feel like your little brother saying ‘yeah whack him’ as you retaliate to a bully who’s tormented me in the playground! I love the bit ‘you were present at your parents’ wedding’, absolutely classic. Matt Boothman: I’m going to stalk you. BTW here’s a picture of him: he put his specs on his head
brilliant guys,
good use of time I would say, keep it going, I want it played live.
x
I’m a cunt as well.
We’re now higher than his Twitter site when you google “Matt Boothman.” Surely he must’ve heard us by now
Love it.
Matt Boothman best watch out cause I’m a carnivore and I’m well peckish
Falalalalalalalalalalalalala
This is brilliant.
I am utterly delighted by this, you splendid, splendid man.
The lyrics and choice of instruments are legendary. Of course, it would be better if you had used a better vocalist.
PS. I did not do that thing with the sub editor of the New York Times.
So proved him right then? You can’t actually sing.
ahhh class. fantastic swearing.
I went to University with Matt, and informed him of the song today. Without hoping to jump the gun at all, I think he’s preparing a musical riposte.
The song absolutely cracked him up.
Oh God, it’s the start of a musical prance-off.
You have a lovely singing voice. Can I insult you sometime?
Just fucking terrific. I loved it. Well done but you should temper these comments by the fact that I’m really drunk.
Hello to everyone from the B3TA newsletter! We’re chuffed to hell and back. Twitterers, you can follow this site at http://twitter.com/alittlepoison Everyone else, do what thy will.
Very very funny
HA HA HA HA HA best song title in ages , “Fah lah lah you’re a cunt” I LOVE it.
Why on earth would anyone think you can’t sing? How do they define ’singing’???
Fucking fantastic! Well done.
brilliant.. meybe it’s because he’s so lonely..
http://matt-boothman.livejournal.com/friends
Found this through the B3TA newsletter- am very pleased for you! I always deal with negative comments at my gigs by writing a piece of comedy character assassination . ALWAYS get even with insults that rhyme. Class.
Grinning like a loonie here, which has the added bonus of annoying the hell out of my cunt otherwise known as Hubbie wonders what the hell I am listening too.
Lucky for him you’re a vegan!
Of course the Scottish git is responsible for his own Fate, you cunt Boothman!!! Can you imagine the following: “Yes yer ‘onor m’lud, och I did commit these ‘orrible murders but it was only because these witches said I would. If they hadn’t told me what i was going to do, then I wouldn’t be standing in the dock in front of you. Yes I’ve got blood on my hands and, indeed, the wife can’t wash the bleedin’ stuff off her hands no matter how hard the old scrubber tries, but it’s them cuntin’ witches who should be on trial not me!” . Arran, I know your music is a little too colourful and melodic compared to your brother Phillip’s boring atonal shit but your Chaucerian lyrics should be an inspiration to every wanna be star. I suggest you send your song to that other cunt Simon Cowell for a truly profesonal opinion of your talents..
pa! simon cowell is not a cunt!! Loved the song though!
That’s extremely funny, and you sing like an angel. I’d like to spare a thought for Mr Boothman, though. He had an opinion, and expressed it clearly. He seems thoughtful and engaged with the production, and he can certainly write. What more can you ask of a reviewer? He did his job. But fair play to you: it’s the most enjoyably tantrum ever.
“Enjoyable”. Arsenuggets.
excellent stuff!!!
To be fair he was pretty good in Road Trip.
I wish I had something else interesting to say, but this is incredible. High fives!
I can’t stop singing this on the bus …
:D
Matt Boothman is right though – you really can’t sing!
oh, your twisted geniussness has brightened up my day………. arf!
He points out the obvious, that you really cant sing and in response you post a wanky song further demonstrating the fact that you really cant sing, well done there sir!
absolutely 1st class. Can you write one for my accountant who is suing me for 38 grand for his cock up with my tax bill? his company name is Sprangers van den Ende.
Thank christ my name isn’t Matt or Boothman! Magnificunt! We should all mount a final push & aim for the charts. The new buzz phrase if you come across some really objectionable cunt & you’re in mixed company – you fucking Matt Boothman you!
I won’t rest until I hear somebody called a Matt Boothman on telly.
i LIKE this. This is nice. He MUST be a cunt if a song this catchy says he is.
p.s. sachman wins the interweb for his use of the work “magnificunt”, which is almost as good as the song.
Now if we can get members of Monty Python to sing it
Haha, this is great stuff.
Matt Boothman thankyou for helping me move to the next step in getting over my bad review in the Metro in 2006 for my play…… Any day now, any day now.
xxxx
Anna
“overacted and overwrought “
Anything which references Charlie Brooker does it for me.
BRILLIANT!
Boothman is threatening a musical response to our musical response.
I say “bring it on you lanky streak of journalistic piss and we’ll get all urban-baroque on your ass”
Sociable… 40 songs about 40 cunts? There’s a fresh approach. I’ll be back in England soon with a list of cunts to write about bulging in my hip pocket. Last night a bodyguard who looked like Tim Cahill yelled at me for trying to move an outdoor heater on wheels. He was a cunt. Let’s write a song about him.
“Just ask the staff,” you growled as you grizzled
and all just because I had a heater to swizzle
Napoleon complexed, you looked like Tim Cahill
you’re a cunt fa la la la, etcetera, you shithead.
Needs a bit of work. A punchy chorus will liven it up.
Jx
I met Matt Boothman on the first day of university….I have been in his father’s car to a car tip (random M. Boothman related fact)….I hear he’s preparing a musical reply to this song….
Great song dude, fantastic use of the word ‘cunt,’ my favourite word.
I LOVE your song–way to give it back the way every actor has ever wanted to! You have my highest admiration.
I can assure you, as one of the best friends of Matt Boothman, that this is the funniest thing any of us has heard in a long time. What a beautiful temper tantrum. He’s most definately heard it!
I lived with Matt for two years.
Matt Boothman is a vegetarian…But I’m pretty sure he’ll eat your testicles with his musical response.
Obviously Aaron Glass’ mummy never told him that not EVERYBODY is going to like him.
Oh, and Matt was right. You can’t sing.
Although, Kudos, because this song is damn catchy ;-P
Not only can you not sing, but your lyrics suck and there is nothing catchy about the tune…I forgot it before it was done…I don’t know who the morons are that are praising you, but there is no accounting for all the “biters” that will eat any kind of shit out there thinking they may be the first ones to do so. Yuck man, go back to accounting or writing computer data, you obviously have no artistic talents. The most wasted thirty seconds of my life in a long time.
Enjoyed this and laughed out loud… reminded me of Jerry Springer the Opera in terms of mixing the media!
Shit fight via madrigals next?
makes you sound like a smug, self satisfied prick. Learn to take some critiscism, you’re nowhere near as great as you’d like to believe
In fact, in retrospect, your performance was fucking shite. write a song about that you talentless little chode. I’ve seen better performances of Macbeth at school. get over yourself.
Technically, you can sing, just not very well, as far as I’m concerned. Although you’ve written a very good comic musical response, I would seriously recommend doing something to gain some depth and reliability to your voice before decrying so publicly someone who has pointed out the frailty of your vocal performance.
All you have proved with this song is that you logically cannot exist. Diss!
Fight!
http://www.t5m.com/matt-b...oth-protest-too-much.html
^^^ His response btw.
Fantastic. I wonder if this’ll make the newsletter again given what it’s given birth to?
I think Matt Boothman’s response it quite funny. He reminds me of a kind of Radio 3 bred version of Snoop Dogg.
Far more interesting than a fight between Boothman-cunt and Glass-cunt, would be a fight between all the “I know Boothman and he’s not a cunt” cunts and the “I know Glass and he’s not a cunt and he can sing” cunts. These cunt-calling cunts should all get it on and floppy-arm-fat punch and wrestle one another in a sea of green jelly as they bonk each other over the head with copies of The Guardian Guide between passing out drunk.
Truth is, probably none of you are cunts. Glass can sing (I’ve heard him sing a lot, he can sing, maybe he had an off day) and Boothman can almost certainly write.
Here’s the score:
(points conceded for being a cunt and other person being nice)
Boothman calls Glasses voice a cunt.
Boothman 1 – Glass 0
Glass calls Boothman’s review a cunt.
Boothman 1 – Glass 1
Boothman (through the grapevine) reveals a joy for Glasses cunt song.
Boothman 1 – Glass 2
Boothman releases a cobbled together, not cruel, but uninspired and cunty reply rap that hobbles unnervingly toward its inevitable Shakespeare-for-dummies conclusion.
Boothman 2 – Glass 2
And so at the end of 90 minutes we enter extra time with all players looking weary. The only other (painfully obvious) comment that I would like to make is that I suspect that Boothman knows that Glass can sing and Glass knows that Boothman’s not a cunt and the whole thing is a mutually self-serving exercise in fucking with other peoples’ minds.
I don’t really understand the point scoring system that you propose, Gary.
‘Points conceded’ suggests that the cunt in question would lose a point, or that the opposing agent would be allocated a point for the other cunt’s cuntery. However, the opening round gives Boothman the point for apparently being a cunt in the first place, which doesn’t seem to work.
Glass then gets a point for reacting like a cunt.
I don’t get it.
I am the lanky journalistic streak of piss and this is my response!
http://www.t5m.com/matt-b...oth-protest-too-much.html
P.S. If you break out the urban baroque then I’m afraid I’ll have no choice but to resort to gospel.
Oh wait, you all found it already.
well done on managing to be simultaneously an arsehole and the putrid shit thats dripping out of the arsehole that you also are.
Dear Boyd,
It’s a cunt of a scoring system. The aim of the game is dependent on the desired cuntery of the individual. Should the desired cuntery of Player A be low, then he or she would endeavor to score a lower cuntery score than Player B, who, should he wish to excel in cuntery, would find an excellent partner to play against, for he would wish to finish with a higher cuntery score. If both players are aiming for a high level of cuntery (as may be the case between Boothman-cunt and Glass-cunt on this occasion) then we have a genuine cunt-struggle on our hands; as would be the case if both are aiming for low cuntery.
“Points conceded” in a good game of cuntery are often “Points gained.”
It’s not wholly dissimilar to football.
But in the end it matters for nothing because the score is equal.
Boothman, good on you – this is a fine response to a fantastic song (although I think you should have used the word ‘cunt’ at least once). I hear rumours that a remix may be in the pipeline, so don’t let your guard down yet. It doesn’t end there, Boothman. It never ends!
Word on the street is that it will end with a pint of beer and a cuddle, as all resolved quarrels between gentlemen must end.
I need to get in more quarrels… I love cuddles and beer.
Gary Ablett, you’re a cunt. Now where’s my cuddles and beer?
They’re coming, Scrutes. In July I’ll beer-cuddle you senseless. Jx
I really like his charming response and am looking forward to cuddles and beer with the gent. I feel like this story has had a really happy ending and now we can all go back to our real lives and I can go back to my miserable play.
Long live the Boothman!
Arran
x
I second that. The man’s a gent
A sweet, calm, measured and gentlemanly response indeed … I would like to see an eight-mile style head-to-head ending in a beery cuddle. Let’s see what we can do about that …
This is just all too sweet, I love it!!! U r all a bunch of cuties and I would also like a beer and a cuddle. Beautiful just beautiful…
The reason why I think Arran is still ahead in this game, is simply because his jaunty little song makes no attempt to disguise its childishness; he knows its childish but runs with it anyway because its funny.
However, Matts response had the appearance of someone trying simultaneously make a witty comeback whilst standing aloof from the whole thing, thereby undermining the whole point of a response. If you decide to make a fool out of yourself by responding (its unavoidable if you do) at least commit yourself fully!
Dear god.. I love this..
Falalalala.. your a cunt ^-^
serves the bastard right for being a right sodding prick.
The best bit of Matt’s comeback song is the rattle that tells you when he’s made a joke or a diss.
I’d have no idea when to laugh if it wasn’t for that
Splendid use of the word Cunt in a humourous song.
I wonder if there is an award for that ?
The Glass Band are playing tomorrow in Oliver’s Jazz Bar in Greenwich!
Our last gig before the tragic lending of our Bassist Phil to the underworld of musical theatre. It’s going to be a fantastic night with excellent support from Lyrebird and Libby Trappe and we’d love to see you all there! I’ve invited Boothman but he said he was being a cunt about Derren Brown and couldn’t make it….
http://www.myspace.com/theglassband
http://www.myspace.com/lyrebirdsong
http://www.myspace.com/libbytrappe
I’ll only go if you’re playing the Boothman song
Just heard his poem. At first it was just boring, then he said ‘concert-grade flautist’. What a twat.
Not all flautists are twats though.
‘concert-grade flautist’
What concerts, though, that’s what I want to know.
I played in a concert once. I played ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ on the violin. Badly.
I want evidence of Matt Boothman playing in a concert. POIDH.
It’s funny, but he is right, you sing like a winded donkey.
“Just heard his poem. At first it was just boring, then he said ‘concert-grade flautist’. What a twat.”
I think he pinched that flautist line from the Flight of the Conchords
You’ve demonstrated that you can sing, to an extent, so I suppose technically you win. You don’t sing particularly well though.
I’ll have all you naysayers know I played First Flute on stage at the biggest theatre in Reading!
And I’m sorry for blowing off the drinks and cuddles, Arran, but if it makes you feel better Derren Brown put a bag on my head, clouted me with a tambourine and made the word ‘COLIN’ appear in indelible chalky letters down the front of my jumper. Karma’s a bitch.
Poor Boothman. Not been your month has it!
Remix!
http://www.last.fm/music/.../_/mattboothmanremix03aEQ
Gosh, there’s been a remix of your song! It’s good… almost a relaxing, non-offensive version. Until it whams you with the c-word (cunt).
This is really brilliant!!!
I am a Matt Boothman, but not THE Matt Boothman, a different Matt Boothman, probably not a cunt, and I found this site by searching my own name on Google (WE ALL DO IT).
I always dreamed of the day I would get a song written about ne.
And now my dreams, in some kind of weird, cunt-related, irrelevant-to-me respect have come delightfully true. Thankyou Arran Glass. You cunt.
Many thanks to misterben for doing the first remix of everyones favourite song!
Many sympathies to the other Matt Boothman who probably isn’t a cunt
Bojo
x
What a lovely remix.
It made me laugh and then it made me feel a little bit sick.
And also… I’m very glad that you, the Boothman-cunt, had a little run-in with the devilish Brown-cunt. Good for you, Boothman-cunt. Did you really meet him? And no, po-mo Googler egotist Boothman-namesake-cunt, I’m not talking to you, though now I am, I’m talking to the original Boothman-cunt: the one and only – he who reviews.
I want to meet the Brown-cunt more than anything. I want him to steal my wallet.
Ablett-cunt.x
‘Meet’ is probably too strong a term. I shook his hand, yes. I spoke with him; he placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder; after that it was all a bit of a blur, though at least he didn’t steal my wallet (or if he did, he also successfully made me forget I’d ever had a wallet. You know, I believe before meeting Mr Brown I was an accountant. Why does everyone think I’m a reviewer and a cunt?).
ACE! I love a flame war, perhaps you can get together for an All Together Now soundclash mash up of both tracks.
I know neither of you so my unbiased view from the sidelines is. Glass 1 – Cunt 0
The flautist line was a Conchords rip off see. B – must try harder!
Enjoy the beer hugs you crazy kids!
Arran. I love it. Made me laugh so much. Hope you’re all good x
So, I listened to this, and then the reply… if you want to call that a reply. If you am going to critise someone…don’t you think you should make it interesting and not utter dirge? Which is what Glassband have NOT done :D. It made me smile- fair play guys!
xx