Love Shack, Baby, that’s where it’s at. If you don’t know the song I’m talking about – the biggest and possibly only hit by The B-52s – then stop reading now. The following doesn’t matter, and count yourself extremely lucky.
If you know the 1989 song, you can probably go through most of the lyrics in your head. I’ve had them swimming around mine recently and have suddenly realised that I’ve made a mistake in thinking that the Love Shack just a harmless, funky little shack that you’d have a whale of a time in when you got there. Here’s my point: It’s actually pretty shit. Bear with me while I highlight some of the lyrics.
And if you can, get the annoying voices in your head when you read them.
“Huggin’ and a kissin’,
dancin’ and a lovin’,
Wearin’ next to nothing…”
Wearing next to nothing. Fine. It’s sexy.
“…cause it’s hot as an oven”
So it’s not sexy partial nudity. It’s a result of the shack being too hot. How hot? As hot as an oven. Hundreds of degrees celsius, and hot enough to cook any food you have on you.
Do these people know it was going to be that hot? Uncomfortable, hot, shameful people in their ill-prepared thongs, trying to hug each other in heat stroked desperation.
“The whole shack shimmies when everybody’s
Movin’ around and around and around!
Everybody’s movin’, everybody’s groovin’ baby!
Folks linin’ up outside just to get down”
This highlights the Love Shack’s structural problems. It’s suffering from shimmying, probably from being illegally built. The inhabitants aimlessly move around, and there are queues. Moving around and queuing? People are just going to get angry.
“I got me a car, it seats about 20
So come on and bring your jukebox money”
If you have a car grand enough to seat twenty people, bring your own damn money. This braggard probably owns the jukebox. Maybe even the Love Shack. Don’t trust him. Watch your drink.
“Oh the Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together”
His true intentions are being revealed. You’re in the car at this point, probably wondering if you’d survive the jump from a moving vehicle and make it into the bushes and eat rabbits until you find civilisation again.
“Glitter on the mattress
Glitter on the highway
Glitter on the front porch
Glitter on the highway”
Oh Christ, that’s the police report they’ll be writing up after they’ve found your body.
“Bang bang bang, on the door baby! (Knock a little louder baby)
Bang bang bang,on the door baby! (I can’t hear you!)
Bang bang bang, on the door baby! (Knock a little louder sugar!)
Bang bang bang, on the door baby! (I can’t hear you!)”
Whether he’s a sex pest or not, one thing is certain: the owner is a real asshole
“Well it’s set way back in the middle of a field,
Just a funky old shack and I gotta get back”
Add IF YOU FIND THIS NOTE PLEASE HELP ME to the end of that.
“Love Shack, baby Love Shack!
Love Shack, baby Love Shack! “
It’s a fucking shack. Why did you say you’d go in the first place?