His bouncing preened blond hair opens the door.

Already his suit pisses me off.

Then his taller gangly spotted dick comes in.

They stand in front of me.

I decide not to stare and look beyond them.

'Shall we get a cigar?' one of them slugs out of his blow hole.

'Yah, totally, Jasper will love that.'

I look at them, they still haven't said hello to me yet.

'What about some cognac?'

'I could go for a tod of that.'

Snorting piggy fucking noises resonate around my head.

Then one of them goes into pleb talk.

'Hey could we get a couple of your cigars?'

'Any one in particular?' I say as I go into prickle talk.

'What's your cheapest?'

(At this point I go into a cigar explanation, which is far too dull to put here.)

There is silence from the two cum filled students.

'We'll take the £5 ones and a bottle of cognac.'

'Any cognac in particular?'

(At this point I go into a cognac explanation, which is far too dull to put here.)

'We shall take the Remy Martin.'

They start to talk quietly, and one of them ruffles his already overly ruffled hair.

'Do we need any voddy?'

'Yah totally need some voddy.'

'What vodka would you like?'

I mention Smirnoff is from Scotland and not particularly good, and for cheaper they could get a Russian vodka, the real stuff.

'Get the Smirnoff, Harriet loves the voddy.'

As I put through the transaction, the argument starts.

'Shall we go halves on this?'

'Well I got the bubbly last night.'

'But you owed me £50.'

'Well whatever, shall I put it on my card?'

'I suppose I could chip in.'

One looks at me, then his card.

'Expensive night for me now.'

His other ruffled spotted dick looks away, pretending not to hear it.

'I don't get my allowance for another week,'  he says in desperation.

Silence, no more camaraderie, no more fun, ruined by no allowance.

Pleb talk. 'So, how's business?'

'Fine.'

Silence.

They leave to spend another night not touching a girl and hoping to touch themselves.