alittlepoison

A black bug watches me from above the shower head, I watch him for a while wondering if the steam will make him move, I want to be ready for any sudden movement. He stays still, I keep watching and he does not move so I turn around to rinse my hair. The hot jets of water heat my head to a degree that feels uncomfortable, I turn back to the bug but he has gone.

I scan the ceiling above me and the walls, he is nowhere to be seen. Now I realise that he has almost certainly jumped into the flow of the steaming water, perhaps he is clinging to my skin. I spin round in the shower to wash away the bug, if he is on me some where I will get him off. Water has never felt so itchy. Round and round I franticly spin to make sure that he cannot be on me. Eventually I am satisfied that the bug must be dead and down the plug hole, but I still feel itchy, it’s psychosomatic I tell myself, it’s all in my head, I repeat as I scratch and rub my skin.

As I walk to work I can’t stop thinking about the bug, my head feels itchy but I don’t allow myself to scratch, there is nothing there I tell myself as I firmly plant my hands in my pockets. To take my mind off the itching I play a game of overtaking, for this I must choose a person walking in the same direction as me but some distance ahead and make it my mission to overtake them. My first choice is a man in the distance, he wears a suit which easily blends in with everyone else but he also wears a red scarf. I walk as fast as I can, stepping into the gutter to get around mothers with prams and dodge between all the workers walking towards me. The traffic lights are kind to me this morning and I am reaching them all at exactly the right time to cross, red scarf man has had to wait at a crossing, I reach him as the lights change and as we both cross the road I overtake him. Full of glory I steam on ahead, my armpits now sticking with sweat to the lining of my coat. Onwards I plough, I need to choose a new challenge to stop myself from thinking about the itch, but first I glance back to see how far ahead of red scarf I am. Red scarf has gone, probably turned off this road, or perhaps he’s gone home, yes after being beaten by me he probably gave up on today and just went home.

So for my next target I choose a woman, she has blonde hair and a pink coat I see her most days and I don’t like her one bit so she is a good target to overtake. I’m passing a school so I have to literally step over small children to get anywhere, parents give me nasty looks but I ignore them as I have to reach pink coat. I move at immense speed, I am overtaking everyone with ease, pink coat is getting closer, she looks behind her and I am sure that she notices me, she picks up her speed. Now I’m stuck behind a group of parents and children, they move slowly and randomly, if I try to overtake I am likely to knock one of the children over. Frustration boils in my head and makes the itch worse. It’s psychosomatic I repeat to my self. We reach a crossing, pink coat is already across the road, I have to keep moving to stop myself scratching so I slip in front of the parents and children as they wait and I can see no cars coming down the road. I step out into the road to make a dash for it, half way across the road and I am aware of a noise. Now I am on the ground, I try to get up but fall back down, a man is getting out of his car, he is asking me questions but I can’t listen to him because crossing the road behind the man’s car is red scarf, he had not turned off the road after all, he’s beaten me. I strain my head to the left to watch red scarf in his glory, he reaches pink coat and they know each other! They have stopped and are talking, they look back, they are talking about me, about me being a looser. They have won I tell the man who was trying to speak to me, but he is on his mobile. A middle aged woman takes my hand and tells me that everything will be ok. Everything will not be ok I think to myself as I look at her slightly hairy upper lip, I can’t catch up now and I can feel the itch again, my head is itchy but I feel too tired to scratch. There are more people around me now, one of them is wearing bright green overalls, he would be a good target in my game. He is very keen to talk to me, he touches my wrist and my neck and talks in a soothing way, I don’t know what he says but it is soothing. He and his other green clothed friend put me on a little bed in their van, they strap me in and I close my eyes, but they get noisy and will not allow me to close my heavy eyes. The van moves quickly, perhaps I’ve overtaken red scarf and pink coat but it doesn’t count, using a van is definitely cheating, anyhow I don’t know what direction I am going in. The green man has put something around my neck so that I can’t move my head and something else is stuck in my arm, nothing hurts, all that I can feel is the itch. I close my eyes, the green man gets noisy but my eyelids are too heavy, I don’t want to make the green man angry but my eyes are closed and too hard to open.

When I do open my eyes I am in a room surrounded by people in white, they talk to me in nice voices, I try to listen but the itch is annoying me. I try to scratch and one of the white people jumps in to see what I am doing, she thinks I want to take the mask off my face, so she tightens the mask. She stops suddenly and starts looking just behind my right ear, there is something there she tells the other white person. They get up close and are fondling behind my ear, they get metal tools, I feel the cold instruments penetrate my skin and something is released, the itch has been removed. They turn to me, tools in hands and show me something black from behind my ear, I grab the hand and pull it closer to me and see that the black is my black bug from the shower but three times as big, he is full of my blood they say.