Consumer Chore
NEWS 21/02/07: They have finally replied asking for my address. This means they either want to send me a letter of apology or send around the soup goons! Either way, I’m ready.
At the start of this month, I opened a carton of Covent Garden soup and found the contents to be lower than my already pretty low expectations. Being British and something of a fastidious old shit, I decided to deal with the situation the only way I knew how… with a strongly worded written complaint. This is the correspondence so far.
From: RobotDan
5th Feb 2007
I’ve just opened one of your potato and leek soups, bought today from the Tescos in [location withheld], and this one wasn’t a good ‘un. At first I thought it was partially frozen. Further spooning proved this not to be the case. It was very starchy, very dry and fluffy in texture. Much as if someone had thrown four loaves of stale dry white bread and some excess packaging cardboard into the soup for a laugh. I tried a cold spoonful and concluded that while probably edible, it certainly wouldn’t be a pleasant experience. I’ve had no problems with your other soups. Here are the numbers from the bottom of the carton in case you want to investigate further:
[a long list of numbers removed]
Yours sincerely,
From: RobotDan
15th Feb 2007
It puzzles me that you have not yet responded to my original email. Perhaps you did not receive it. I included it forthwith.
Yours sincerely,
Any further news will go up here. Fight for your right to party, kids.
February 17th, 2007
1:30 am
stick it to the man, man
February 17th, 2007
10:24 pm
I know this story and am familiar with the starchy potato soup, but I can’t help worry that you are missing the point.
Potatoes are starchy
Leeks are… like weak onions
You don’t like added salt (or other enhancements) an monitor the red death circles on the nutrition chart
What were you expecting?
It is a foolish flavour of soup, granted, like ordering a pasta sandwich, but I don’t think they made it wrong. It is just one step too far towards organic righteousness into joylessness.
I am just about to eat a carton of Covent Garden red nose day soup. For some reason I am worried it will taste of Ainsley Harriot.
February 17th, 2007
10:25 pm
p.s. I am not detracting from your complaint letters. That dancing telephone monkey one (or did you say that?) was hysterical.
February 18th, 2007
2:36 am
This soup was far too starchy, even for a potato based one. Trust me. It was like a mixture of sawdust, itching powder and egg white.
February 21st, 2007
3:55 pm
Fantastic news update. I hope they remember to package any free soup they send you with care.