In a café today, RobotDan and Salman Hushdie hastily wrote the following unorthodox haikus for a competition, in the hope that they will win the big prize... a meal for two. Their numerous entries are reproduced here for your enjoyment.
Haikus
Salman Hushdie’s haikus
Marty McFly
Next door neighbour
Future hero!
Haiku mania
Rips through my torso
Nice warm feeling
Gerry likes flowers
He farts and dances
Splendificus!
Humorous egg
Sliced for sandwiches
Weep for chicken
Half moon nipple
Silently sullen
Drunk on milk
Boston sweat and gristle
Over priced swine
Killing me softly
Dial a number friend
I am lonely
My box is full of wee
Nipples and camp
Nasty laugh
Ooh fucking matron
Antiques sell antique
Wool sack shits
Horse like men on ale
We’re being hunted
Sneaky raptor
Clever girl!
RobotDan’s haikus
Your father likes
My trombone legs
He’s a doctor
Cuckolded clock stops
And with hour hand excuses
Strokes your breasts
In defeat and gold spokes
Streams of spilt victory
Leave coins in my mouth, men
Your lady’s A-bomb
Is like her H-bomb
A femme fatale indeed
Top hat full of pork
Mouth full with promises
I’ll remain vegetarian
Renal failure:
This calls for a cigarette
And later dancing
Screaming Dorothy Oz
Remembers no blank Kansas
Three degenerate men
Rewired veins and fancy cuts
The sperm swim in closed balls
Neuter dogs loyal
Dublin 1932 ticker tape
Birthday surprise for Rory
Another fucking potato
Flapping sandals
Sand and brine in your lips
Apply cream to pier locals
Before the later muted man
Bill Murray was Scrooged
Have a very Murray Christmas
Please leave your own haikus in the comments below, even though we’re not offering you a meal for two.

While we’re in the mood, why not reread Gary Ablett’s 40 animals haikus?
theres too much word. read each one like your meeting an old cousin you haven’t seen for 10 years,
i have to say if either me or RobotDan win, our date is Rownia Onions, our dream date, well she is mine!
i want to make a 200 haiku maze like tregard would!
What exactly are the rules of writing a haiku?
Traditionally a haiku is three lines, composed of 5 cyllables, 7 cyllables and 5 cyllables respectively, such as
Friendly caribou
nuzzling my youngest son
each lick is joyful
But modern, Westernised haiku forms are less strict,
and can be three lines of varying cyllables, such as
Gnome beside your pond
poisoning your fishes
with his urine
“Cyllable,” by the way, is the modern, Westernised way of writing the traditional ancient Japanese word “syllable.”
Lonely Norweigan
Spectacles and ear muff
Brimming with disappointment
Grizzled Irish fag
incoherent man with can
voluable whiskey