RobotDanThis article was published by RobotDan on April 28th 2006. This article has 9 comments.

Article Themes

Similar to this


In a café today, RobotDan and Salman Hushdie hastily wrote the following unorthodox haikus for a competition, in the hope that they will win the big prize... a meal for two. Their numerous entries are reproduced here for your enjoyment.

Haikus

Salman Hushdie’s haikus

Marty McFly
Next door neighbour
Future hero!

Haiku mania
Rips through my torso
Nice warm feeling

Gerry likes flowers
He farts and dances
Splendificus!

Humorous egg
Sliced for sandwiches
Weep for chicken

Half moon nipple
Silently sullen
Drunk on milk

Boston sweat and gristle
Over priced swine
Killing me softly

Dial a number friend
I am lonely
My box is full of wee

Nipples and camp
Nasty laugh
Ooh fucking matron

Antiques sell antique
Wool sack shits
Horse like men on ale

We’re being hunted
Sneaky raptor
Clever girl!

RobotDan’s haikus

Your father likes
My trombone legs
He’s a doctor

Cuckolded clock stops
And with hour hand excuses
Strokes your breasts

In defeat and gold spokes
Streams of spilt victory
Leave coins in my mouth, men

Your lady’s A-bomb
Is like her H-bomb
A femme fatale indeed

Top hat full of pork
Mouth full with promises
I’ll remain vegetarian

Renal failure:
This calls for a cigarette
And later dancing

Screaming Dorothy Oz
Remembers no blank Kansas
Three degenerate men

Rewired veins and fancy cuts
The sperm swim in closed balls
Neuter dogs loyal

Dublin 1932 ticker tape
Birthday surprise for Rory
Another fucking potato

Flapping sandals
Sand and brine in your lips
Apply cream to pier locals

Before the later muted man
Bill Murray was Scrooged
Have a very Murray Christmas

Please leave your own haikus in the comments below, even though we’re not offering you a meal for two.

9 Comments to “Haikus”

  1. RobotDan says:

    While we’re in the mood, why not reread Gary Ablett’s 40 animals haikus?

  2. hushdie says:

    theres too much word. read each one like your meeting an old cousin you haven’t seen for 10 years,

  3. hushdie says:

    i have to say if either me or RobotDan win, our date is Rownia Onions, our dream date, well she is mine!

  4. hushdie says:

    i want to make a 200 haiku maze like tregard would!

  5. Salif Ahmed says:

    What exactly are the rules of writing a haiku?

  6. scrutiny says:

    Traditionally a haiku is three lines, composed of 5 cyllables, 7 cyllables and 5 cyllables respectively, such as

    Friendly caribou
    nuzzling my youngest son
    each lick is joyful

    But modern, Westernised haiku forms are less strict,
    and can be three lines of varying cyllables, such as

    Gnome beside your pond
    poisoning your fishes
    with his urine

  7. “Cyllable,” by the way, is the modern, Westernised way of writing the traditional ancient Japanese word “syllable.”

  8. H.K says:

    Lonely Norweigan
    Spectacles and ear muff
    Brimming with disappointment

  9. Anonymous says:

    Grizzled Irish fag
    incoherent man with can
    voluable whiskey