alittlepoison

Here. I wrote this haiku under contractual obligation. I am wondering if (when it was suggested) the intended request was for something less literal. I hope so.

frog: my heart is yours
your googly eyed innocence
o’erleaps my joy!

a tadpole of yore
yet endlessly so much more
than just a sperm tail

relative of toad?
no, no, no, no, no, no, no
a prince in disguise!

i once rode a horse
he took me under a branch
tried to kill me (cunt!)

never met a skunk
but i empathise with them
poor little stink rats!

pidgeons are winged rats
so she says (my ex-girlfriend)
she can talk! rodent

a donkey is fun
i once lived quite close to one
ee! or! and so on!

goldfish over there
who’s fish life i must sustain
(housemate is away)

is like fly or bat:
evolution’s accidents
(like me i suppose)

tarot woman said
you descend from egyptians
that’s why you love cats

and those who love cats
(a rule!) can not abide dogs
stupid mutt bit me

were i a lion
i would be most satisfied
and never once scared

of a rodent mouse
like a girly elephant
just use your tusks fool!

llamas are cool (yes!)
why are they hanging out with
weird michael jackson?

it’s camel envy!
humps! stores water! dessert dweller!
poor nothing llamas

your favourite colour?
asked the crocodile of me
he is a phoney

his tears are not real
a kangaroo’s emotions
on the other hand

are so true and deep
that australian’s shoot them
with guns from their jeeps

emotions like that
can not be found in a rat
(small kangaroo? no)

don’t ever step on
a coackroach (they multiply!)
still I respect them

it’s said they’ll survive
nuclear winter alone
evolve and rule all!

can’t see a giraffe
doing that (though he can see
for miles unlike me)

had the chance (in laos)
to meet a baby tiger
vomit prevented

love little tigers
i love little anything
except for maggots

a house i rented
was overrun with maggots
and pigs (t’was a sty)

i do not know why
it was such a sty (perhaps)
we will die (thought i)

spider on guitar
made me jump (threw guitar far)
don’t like hairy legs

or scorpions’ heads
no wait (t’was his tail I ate)
don’t know about heads

while on bugs there’s beds
that claim to be overrun
by bugs i’ve not met

don’t like getting wet
(nope! no ocean dipping feet
for me) scared of sharks

and jellyfish too
don’t want to piss on my wounds
vinegar’s for chips

not for salvation
from the ocean’s nasty pests
crabs are cute (sideways!)

i like a monkey
on my dinner plate with sauce
ketchup is the best

sheep are deceptive
’cause you never can tell if
it’s one or many

to which one refers
that is why we must eat lamb
get ‘em while their young

and monkey’s as well
they are deceptive (eat them!)
scrawny little shits!

echidnas i like
they waddle (but with prickles)
like a (tasty) duck

they are real clever
because they are hard to eat
prickles hurt my mouth

cows are exquisite
they give us shoes and beef steaks
and have big brown eyes

and chickens lay eggs
we cut off their stupid heads
they still run around

i also eat turkey
but only as substitute
for chicken (too dry)

the french are scum
animals (every last one)
they eat lovely frogs

and so i eat them
when a potato is cut
into strips (animals!)